Butter

I love butter.

Perhaps this is part of the reason I currently weigh twenty-five pounds more than I did when I was eighteen. Maybe. I don't know.

It's not like I've gotten fat, though. I've just dramatically increased in mass. And, well, yeah, I guess some of that additional mass has come in the form of fat.

When I was eighteen, I used to exercise all the time—and this exercise had nothing to do with my health, either. My diet was fairly horrible. But it didn't matter, I still had almost no body fat. For some reason I can't explain, I just always felt compelled to spend my free time snowboarding, or mountain biking, or climbing up stuff, just to see if I could. I took up hang gliding the summer after I graduated from high school. I learned how to surf.

I used to go snowboarding three or four times a week in the winter. I had a season pass to Steven's Pass. I would ride down anything. I dreamed of going pro, of getting sponsored and getting free gear.

I was so sure of myself, of my abilities. I didn't waste time questioning my decisions, or worry that maybe I was wasting my time and energy on frivolous activities. Riding a snowboard off a cliff seemed to have some intrinsic value. And what I was doing at the time always seemed to be the most important thing in the entire world, and nothing could stop me. I was driven. I was focused. I was invincible.

I recently started biking again, and yes, it's mainly for the exercise. I used to go jogging for exercise, but these days my knees hurt pretty bad after running very far on pavement. Every time I go on a long ride, I find myself thinking back to my earlier years, when my joints didn't ever ache, and I never wondered about how many calories I was burning. I find myself pondering just how much my world view has changed over the past decade. I find myself grinning at just how misguided and naive I used to be. And then my thoughts inevitably snap back to just how much my ass hurts—I hate bike seats.

This year, I want to make it up to Steven's Pass one time. This year, I will forego the terrain park, though. Instead, I think I'll concentrate on butter. Mmmm. Butter.